Take Me Home
by Ithinkyoullknxw
Summary: "I know there's somewhere better 'cause you always take me there."/ "Without expectation or limitation and without a thought for myself, let me be a good man in a storm, for you, Calliope."
1. Chapter 1

_A/N Hello! I'm very, very late to the Grey's hype but I've binged watched and binged watched and I am completely in love with Callie and Arizona! I've written ridiculous amounts of fanfic before but never Grey's so go easy on me please! And feedback is greatly welcomed! This is set sometime around season 13 and everything that has previously happened in the show, still happened EXCEPT that Derek didn't die after the crash, he survived. Just a short introduction chapter, please let me know if you're interested in more!_

 _"All of my friends who think that I'm blessed, they don't know my head is a mess. No, they don't know who I really am and they don't know what I've been through like you do. And I was made for you."_

Calliope was their thing. It was Arizona's thing. She had told her once, curled up in the solace of their room, under the duvet and away from the world, that _Calliope_ was her thing. Nobody called her Calliope except perhaps her father and so, contently, Arizona had stolen it for her own, making it sound like a song from a bird whenever it hummed from her lips, like she should never be anything other than _her_ Calliope.

Somehow, accidentally, she had fallen head over heels in love with Arizona Robbins.

Somehow, accidentally, she had let her go.

Now here they were. Or rather, here she was and there Arizona was and it really sucked. Callie didn't feel like she could feel sad about it because after all, it was her fault. She had wanted out, she had wanted freedom and dancing in her underwear and now she had all of that and more. All of it, except Arizona.

They weren't the same people anymore and Callie knew that. She knew about babies and crashing cars and planes falling out the sky, that kind of crap changed people. Two years apart changed people. Life had taken its toll on them both individually and separately. Now, they barely spoke. They shared snippets of their time with Sofia, let the other know what they had been up to during their week with their daughter apart from that, she knew very little about her ex-wife. All she knew was what she saw from the hospital and that was very, very little. She had though, noticed that the sparkle in her blue, blue eyes wasn't ever quite the same and despite the demons she was fighting herself, that broke her heart more than anything.

Snapped from her wallowing thoughts, Callie was paged and with an inward groan she pulled herself up and off to whatever crisis needed her attention. Of course, it was a kid with a broken bone that needed tending too and of course, she'd be stuck working in close proximity to her ex-wife for half the day which wouldn't really be a problem except she found that she couldn't _breathe_ when she, when Arizona was looking at her or talking to her or in fact just anywhere near her. _It sucked._

Arizona was amazing with kids, it filled Callie with a joy she had all but forgotten when she watched the way she animatedly chatted to her patient like she was the only person in the room that mattered to her. _Maybe she was._

Did Arizona still care about her in any way other than as the mother of her child and the woman who technically cut off her leg? Who promised her she would fix her and promised her she wouldn't leave her and then broke both promises without looking back?

The thought of being anything less than everything to the blonde haired, blue eyed surgeon made the Latina feel sick to the stomach and for a moment, she thought she had actually been sick. It took a few moments and Arizona's gentle touch on her arm to draw her back to reality and make her realise it was in fact the patient who had vomited on her but that wasn't really the issue. The issue was the way her skin suddenly felt like it was on fire at the touch, in a way that she hadn't in a painfully long time.

"Dr Torres? Callie? You're crying…" Arizona's eyes were soft, her tone gentle, comforting even, despite her confusion. Before she could speak again, Callie was gone. Before she knew what she was doing, she was passing the case notes to her intern and rushing after her wife. _Ex-wife._

Callie pushed open the door to an on-call room and ran her hand over her face. Her life had been so easy, so full of being a badass surgeon and tequila. Somewhere along the road, she had lost the fun, the easiness, herself. Looking in the mirror, she didn't recognise herself at all.

Her tears hadn't stopped since she'd fled from the patient's room and yet Callie barely registered them. Pulling off her scrubs and the sick covered black top she wore underneath, she also barely registered the door open and shut.

Callie did however, register the soft gasp of the person behind her and the way she looked as though she couldn't catch her breath and the horrified look on her ex-wife's face when she finally turned around.

 _"Calliope?"_

It sounded so right coming from her lips that Callie could almost ignore what Arizona had noticed when she'd walked in and seen her bare skin, what had caused the shocked gasp. Shocked, or _scared,_ Callie wasn't quite sure.

Almost, but not quite.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thank you so much for the faves, follows and the reviews! Please keep them coming, I love to know what you're thinking!**

 _"Nothing comes easily, where do I begin? Nothing can bring me peace, I've lost everything. I just want to feel your embrace."_

 _"Calliope?"_

Immediately Callie pulled on a fresh top, frozen to the spot. The whole world seemed to stop, like all that was happening was blue eyes meeting brown and the moment she had been avoiding and yet so desperately needing for many months was suddenly in front of her.

"I don't understand. Callie?"

Callie shook her head, taking a step backwards as she could see her ex-wife's mind working in overdrive, trying to think of every possible answer to the question's whirling through her mind.

"Did… I-"Arizona was practically shaking and surgeons, they didn't shake. Not under stress, not under pressure, not at all. But this, well this was _Calliope._

"Does she hurt you?"

Callie's eyes snapped shut, a sharp intake of breath, "Arizona it's not your job to protect me anymore."

"Damn right it is!" She noticed how the Latina flinched at the raised voice and her heart broke.

"Sorry, I- I'm sorry I didn't mean to shout, Calliope. I'm scared, I'm really frightened." The bruises were all she could see every time her eyes closed for even a second. Old ones, new ones, finger marks on her arms, it hurt so much Arizona felt like she could feel bruises on her heart.

"I used to walk tall." Callie's voice was barely a whisper and Arizona sank down into a seat opposite the bunk bed her wife not perched on, hardly daring to breathe in case she scared the delicate woman in front of her.

"That's what I told Mark. I used to walk so tall. Now I hide. I hide from confrontation and badass surgeries. I hide from you and Penny and you know what's worst, Arizona? I hide from myself. I wanted to dance in my underwear. I wanted to eat cheeseburgers and drink tequila and find more for myself. I suck. Everything sucks."

"Callie you don't suck. You're awesome. You are amazing. You can't, I-" She hadn't even realised she was crying. Why was she crying? "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Oh sure! 'Here you go Arizona, Sof had spaghetti bolognaise for dinner tonight and she played painting at day care. Oh by the way, you know my amazing girlfriend? The one I started dating after I left you in a therapist office and the one who saved saint Shepherd's life? Well she has major anger issues and by anger issues I mean she gets her thills beating the crap out of me when I so much as say a word out of place!' You're not my wife, Arizona, you're not even my friend these days, why the hell would I tell you?"

Arizona felt like someone had slapped her. She knew they weren't close anymore; hell they hardly even spoke. But hearing the words out loud almost broke her.

"Calliope-"

Callie shook her head, "don't. Don't try and fix me. I couldn't- I couldn't fix you and you can't fix me."

Arizona swallowed back, trying to calm her nerves, "are in pain?"

Callie shrugged like it was the simplest thing in the world, like what she was saying wouldn't shatter hearts and tear down buildings "I've felt worse."

It was like a sharp blade to the heart, jaggered edges to make the pain more severe and it stopped her breathing, made her need to choke for air. Bruises adorned her ex - wife, the one person in the world other than her daughter that she cared for more than herself and yet Arizona knew.

She knew the physical pain was nothing to the emotional torture she had put her Callie through. Infidelity, lost limbs, lack of trust and communication and maybe even love, they seemed like nothing now. She might even have gone through all of that again just to have the moments of happiness that made her heart swell. And there were lots of those moments. Simple things and bigs things and everything in between and Arizona was sure the good had always outweighed the bad and yet somehow they had gotten lost. Somewhere along the way they'd forgotten how the good things far outnumbered the bad and that yes, they didn't always make time for dancing in their underwear but when they did, it was magic.

"Calliope, I... I am so sorry, I-"

"Don't Arizona, it's okay. You don't have to."

"I do because, because _I_ suck, Callie. Not you, me. I used to be awesome and now, I suck. Ever since the crash I've sucked. As a wife, as a doctor, even as a person. I'm not a good man in a storm, Calliope. I didn't protect the people I love." Callie's brown eyes were watching Arizona intently, mesmerised that her wife, _ex-wife_ , was suddenly opening up after all these years and she had to stop herself from letting Arizona find a place in her heart again because she couldn't breathe when she imagined it. _Had she ever not had a space in her heart?_

"I _hated_ you. I hated being around you, when you touched me it made my skin itch-"

"Wow, Arizona if this is supposed to make me feel better then it's not helping!"

"Just shut up and listen, seriously Callie. Just listen."

Arizona looked straight ahead, ignoring Callie, ignoring everything they should have been doing and just spoke, opened up. Breathed.

"I hated you. Except, I didn't. I hated myself. I hated what I had become, who I had become. I hated my leg or my lack of. I hated the empty space on the bed where my leg used to be. I hated that you let them cut off my leg but more, I hated myself for not forgiving you because I knew, I know, there wasn't anything to forgive. It was my life or my leg and I understood that. But I was a monster, a raging monster that had lost control and then, I lost you. Then my leg didn't matter, nothing mattered except that I didn't have you. I'm sorry that I didn't realise that until it was too late. I'm sorry I didn't know, I didn't see. I should have seen what she was doing! I should have, I-" Sobs took over Arizona. Cries of regret and heartache and mostly, loss. They had had it all and they had lost it.

When she realised Callie was crying too, Arizona was up and beside her on the bottom of the bunk bed and before she knew what was happening, Callie's head was on her shoulder and her face was against her neck, warm breath tickling her skin and it felt like coming home.

"I need to, I, you have to let me help you Callie. This isn't right, it's not okay, my love." The words slipped off her tongue like she had never not said them, "I want to be a good man in a storm again. I want to be who I was raised to be and I am not the same person I was before the crash but I can get that part back. So please, without expectation or limitation and without a thought for myself, let me be a good man in a storm, for _you_ , Calliope."

Callie was going to answer, she was going to respond in some way that seemed to be a coherent sentence but then the door opened and nothing was going to be okay at all.

 **A/N Thoughts?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N I'm sorry for the slow updates, I've been super busy with Uni work but I'm back now for regular updates if you're all interested still? PS HAPPY GREYS DAY. I'll definitely be streaming from the UK tonight. Enjoy!**

 _"See me through, won't you? Don't let me lose my way… So please promise you will be around. Stay in view, won't you? I know you'll understand. Keep an eye on me, won't you?"_

Arizona groaned as she kicked the trash can beside her in anger. She was type A through and through and being out of control in _any_ situation was difficult, but this? It was damned near torture. Walking out of that room, leaving Callie alone with the woman she had just found out was abusing her.

Abusing.

It was such a strong word and yet it was true. Someone was abusing Callie, and there wasn't a thing she could do about it. The word danced around her, bubbling up through her body until she heaved over the bin she had just kicked and emptied her insides, wishing it were only that easy to empty everything else that was wrong right now. She'd jumped up as though burnt when the door handle turned, just in time to straighten her scrubs before Penny walked in. It was all she could do not to scream at her, to make her feel every ounce of pain she had made Calliope feel, but as her fists clenched by her sides she kept it in, feeling like she would explode in doing so.

"She's my daughter too, Callie. I'll see her whenever the hell I want." She wasn't sure where that had come from but for Callie's sake, she needed to make Penny believe nothing was going on before she'd interrupted and it was the first thing she'd thought of. Throwing her ex-wife a glance over her shoulder, Arizona had left the on-call room, slamming the door in anger as she did.

"Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes." A voice breaks the eerie silence following Arizona since she'd left Callie not long before and she looks up from the floor, letting the toilet door shut behind her, feeling at least a small bit fresher after her little incident in the hallway.

"Teddy?!"

"What does a woman have to do to get a welcome home hug around here?"

Arizona shook her head slightly, her mouth agape in shock. It didn't take long for her to launch herself at her best friend, welcome arms pulling her in like they hadn't seen her in forever. She guessed they kind of hadn't. "Oh my god, Teds." She buried herself in her cuddle, letting herself breathe in this moment of sanity.

"That's the welcome I was looking for." Teddy grinned, happily embracing someone who had come to mean so much to her, someone she had hated herself for leaving without even a goodbye. If only she'd known.

"I- you're really here?" Arizona pulled back slightly, her hand on Teddy's cheek. God she loved this woman. She'd hated her for a long, long time, but she loved her more than she could ever hate her. Eventually, their conversations had become a regular occurrence after Teddy has left and she had helped pull Arizona from a dark, dark place.

"I'm really here. Sorry I didn't tell you I was coming; I want to sur- Arizona? Are you crying?"

Arizona had pulled away from the other blonde haired surgeon, taking a deep breath to calm her ragged breathing except she couldn't. Nothing seemed to calm her down because nothing was okay anymore.

"I just- God, I can't believe you're here! Last time I saw I- I had a wife and a- a home and a future. I had two legs for god sake. My life is a sick joke."

"Are you okay?" Teddy's face was a mix of confusion and worry.

"Nothing is okay, Teddy. Nothing at all."

* * *

Arizona sank down into the comfiest chair in the Attending's lounge, sipping back her second coffee of the hour. At least in here there was no chance of bumping into her ex-wife's red-haired, abusing, doofus of a girlfriend. She'd looked everywhere for Callie in the last few hours and couldn't find her anywhere. She was ignoring calls, ignoring pages and now Arizona was sick with worry. Although she couldn't find the person she _was_ looking for, the resident she longed to avoid seemed to be around every corner she turned and dammit, it was taking every dot of willpower she had not to knock her the hell out.

Thinking back to her best friend and now colleague's words from earlier, Arizona couldn't help but sigh.

 _"let her know you're there without pushing her. Whatever you do, do not scare her away now."_

A bitter laugh escaped the peds surgeon's lips at the memory, how could she scare her away when she couldn't even find the damn woman? She wanted to do the only thing she knew how. She wanted to protect the things she loved. _The thing._ She wanted to wrap her Calliope up, keep her safe, make sure nobody hurt a hair on her head. She wanted to do what she had always promised to do but never quite did. God, she just wanted to love her.

Instead, she swallowed her pain and her feelings and the desire, fighting every instinct, every fiber of her being. Silently, she did the only thing she _could_ do. Let her know she was there. Always, _always_ there.

* * *

Callie eventually made her way out of the basement she had spent the last few hours hidden away in. Curled up in a ball in a place she supposed she used to call home. Arizona knew now, Arizona knew and everything was going to be okay again. Except, Arizona had left. She'd left her alone with her and now she was bruised and pained and emptier than ever. Maybe nothing was ever going to be okay.

Making her way back up through the hospital to her own area of expertise, she thanked God that her shift was over, letting her eyes check off all the charts she needed to and breathing out, her walls back up. It was an intern whose name she couldn't remember that pulled her back to earth, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion as she listened to their nervous rambling, the importance of their task had obviously been reiterated many a time before they'd been sent to her and Callie was, well she was trying to force herself to care but she just didn't know _how_ anymore.

With a confused frown, Callie shrugged and thanked the unknowing intern, taking the apparently very important chart her ex-wife desperately needed help with. Callie brushed her hair from her face and set the chart on the nurses' station, opening it up to examine whatever was causing the blonde trouble. A frown fell upon her face when she was met with an envelope tucked inside the pocket of the folder, "Calliope" written in hurried, familiar black writing that stuck out in contrast to the bright white envelope. With a quick look to make sure no one was around, the exhausted brunette unsealed the envelope and let her dulled eyes flicker over the short words.

 _Calliope,_

 _"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard, do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness."_

 _Stand tall, Callie. You should always, always stand tall._

 _Arizona_

A brief glance at the chart told her this patient had been discharged an hour ago, not that she was shocked now. Looking up, she was almost surprised to see Arizona glance her way, looking over the shoulder of the nurse she was chatting to and the tiny knowing smile was all she needed to see. She needed those blue, blue eyes more than she cared to admit.

Callie's own eyes were teary, but they weren't quite so dull anymore.

 **A/N Thoughts? (Pleeeease!)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Thanks SO much for all the reviews etc. They mean the world, please keep them coming!**

 _If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?_

Arizona gave an exhausted sigh as she pulled her scrub cap off and threw it into her locker. It had been a long arse week and after a six-hour surgery she was absolutely ready to get the hell out of the hospital, pick up her daughter and spend a couple of days watching Disney films and eating ice cream straight from the tub.

Despite the excitement she always felt at the prospect of spending some quality time with her baby girl, Arizona couldn't kick the sick feeling that had been in the pit of her stomach ever since she'd stumbled across her ex-wife's secret nearly two weeks ago and her taking Sofia meant Callie was alone with Penny; it made Arizona's heart ache.

Grabbing her bag, the blonde surgeon pulled herself from her thoughts and made her way through the hospital, only slowing as her colleague and, she guessed, friend come into sight.

"I'm outta here til Monday, Alex. The Kingdom is yours. Don't ruin my ward, goof."

"Peds is my ward, Robbins. You just hang round here with the cute babies when you're bored of sticking needles in pregnant, crazy moms."

Arizona laughed softly, already walking away from him, "Bite me, Karev!" She shouted over her shoulder, hurrying the rest of the way through the hospital and out of the doors, into the cold Seattle night.

The distance to Callie's home wasn't far and though it was a cold Winter night, the roads were clear and the drive was easy. With a quick knock on the door, Arizona stood on the balls of her feet, rocking slightly. She was excited to see Sofia, but also, she wanted to see Callie with her own eyes; get some sort of relief for the constant sick in the back of her throat.

"Hi!" Arizona grinned, her dimples showing as the door swung open only to be met with the one person she didn't want to see. Immediately her smile dropped and anger fizzled in the bottom of her stomach in a way she'd never known before. Arizona knew anger. She knew dark, dark places, hatred and pain. Yet this feeling, this hopeless, desperate sense of anger and need to protect the things she loved, well it was fucking _awful_.

"Hi!" Penny was polite, friendly even. Everything the blonde had once believed her to be. "Sof! Get your stuff together!" The red head called over her shoulder and hearing her daughter's name slip from the younger woman's tongue made Arizona's fists clench.

Penny smiled up at her, seemingly oblivious to the hate dripping off the other woman. "Sofia is great, isn't she? It's kinda great she's gonna have three moms to bring her up. That kid is overwhelmed with love, right!"

Arizona's eyes widened and then quickly narrowed, almost into a glare, "Excuse me?"

"Oh I just mean- well she's not technically yours, is she? I guess she's no more yours than she is mine, what with Callie being the one who's blood related. Calliope and I talked about you know, maybe explaining to Sof that'll I'll be another mom for her. It's so good she's gonna experience growing up with both parents in one house. I'm really excited! I always wanted kids."

The blonde felt like her world had been pulled from underneath her. Putting her hand on the door frame in a vain attempt to steady herself, she wasn't sure whether she was more hurt or angry but she did know she was struggling not to slap her ex-wife's lover right across the face.

"I don't know what gives you the rig-"

"Mama!"

Arizona swallowed her words, bending down to greet her daughter instead, forcing the feelings deep inside her to die down for a moment, "Hey sweet girl! Have you grown again? Jeez, you're such a weed!"

Sofia's sweet laughter worked like medicine and her hugs were even better. Arizona embraced her daughter almost desperately, breathing in the smell of the little girl she'd adored and treasured since the moment she'd heard her heart beating all those years ago.

"Arizona, hey!"

Arizona's head snapped up at Callie's voice and moments ago she'd have thrown her a soft, knowing smile in return, offering her hope beyond the mess she was living in now but instead she just looked away, focusing on helping her daughter with her coat.

"Sorry, I was, er, Penny ran me a bath." Callie tugged her towel tighter around her, her vulnerability almost oozing from her. She was a shell of the woman she'd once been.

The peds surgeon merely nodded, not able to look at her. Half of her was incredibly hurt at what she'd just been told and the other half wanted to be where Penny was. She longed to be building a life with her wife and their daughter, to be having everything she went to sleep dreaming out. The conflicting messages her brain was sending did nothing to calm her feelings so she simply took Sofia's small hand and squeezed gently, "Say bye to Mami, big girl."

And within seconds, she was gone.

* * *

"Sweet dreams, my big girl. Mama loves you so much, Sofia." Arizona kissed her sleeping daughter's head, tucking her into her own big bed after she'd fallen asleep snuggled into the blonde on the sofa well over an hour ago. With Penny's words constantly whirling around her mind, she couldn't seem to leave the little girl alone.

Arizona frowned as the door of her apartment knocked a while later. She was sure her flatmate was on a night shift and anyway, he wasn't one to forget his keys. Wearing some comfy slacks and an old, oversized jumper she'd long since stolen from Callie, she sighed and made her way to the door, ready with excuses for whoever was ruining her peaceful night in at almost 10:30pm.

Opening the door, she was met with a familiar face, "Calliope?"

Callie let her eyes linger over her ex-wife longer than appropriate for civil exes, relaxed Arizona had always been her favourite. Was that her jumper?

"What are you doing here? Is everything okay, are you hurt?" Sure, she was angry and she felt pushed aside, like someone was trying to take the last good thing in her life but deep down, she wasn't angry at Callie and even if she was her need to protect the brunette would far outweigh that.

"No, Arizona I'm fine honestly." Callie bit her lip, nervously. "I- Sofia forgot her blanket, I thought she might be restless without it." It was a blatant lie and they both knew it. The pink blanket was Sofia's favourite and usually she slept with it every night but the young girl and had far outgrown the stage of crying if she'd left it behind.

"Penny?"

"She got paged. Long surgery and she's in at 9 anyway so she'll probably sleep there."

Arizona nodded and moved to the side, shutting the door quietly and motioning for Callie to sit down. "Can I get you a drink? Wine or something soft?" Wow, this was a new level of awkward even for them.

"A coffee would be really great, thanks Arizona."

Arizona nodded and reappeared a brief moment later with two steaming hot coffees, handing one to Callie and sitting on the sofa beside her without even thinking. It was normal, it was them.

"Did I do something wrong?" Callie's brown eyes looked up and met confused blue ones, sorrow filling both pairs.

Before Arizona could respond, Callie continued, "It's just, you seemed annoyed earlier when you picked Sofia up and if I've done something wrong, if I made you angry. Could you just tell me? Could you tell me, please? So I can fix it?" Callie couldn't help but flinch when a hand landed on her leg but looking up at her ex-wife, she softened at the touch, letting it soothe her.

"Calliope I'm not angry. Not at you."

"Then what?" she breathed, "what is it? It's been driving me _crazy_ all day, Arizona!"

Arizona silently put her mug on the table and picked up the blanket Callie had placed there moments before, bringing it up to her face and breathing in the familiar smell.

"I bought her this in the hospital gift shop. Do you remember?"

Confused, Callie just nodded, "Of course I remember, Arizona."

"She was so small and so sick but she was so perfect." The blonde still held the blanket in her hands, looking at it while she spoke.

"She was my dream. I know I said she wasn't, but she was. Once upon a time, Mark, he wasn't my dream but once she was here I didn't even mind sharing, not anymore. She was so loved, wasn't she? Our sweet girl was so loved and sometimes I imagine what it would be like if they'd survived because I _loved_ him Callie, he was like a brother in the end. Eventually I think he and little grey would have worked things out and Sof would have had two sets of parents who thought she was the centre of the universe. Wouldn't that have been wonderful? I didn't mind sharing, I'd always share her with her daddy." Arizona fiddle the pink material, stroking it with her fingers and still not looking up from it.

"She loves the story of how she was made. It's her favourite and it's an awesome story, Calliope. She loves hearing how her Mami and Daddy made her special and when her heart had a poorly, mama made her better like-"

"Like a superhero." Callie finished, wiping a tear that hadn't yet fallen from her eye. She knew the story off by heart, it was her favourite too, after all.

"Yeah, like a superhero." Arizona smiled, catching Callie's eyes now.

"Supermama." They said in unison, a small chuckle falling from both sets of lips.

"She's mine, Calliope. I'm her mama, she's my sweet, sweet girl. I didn't make her but I did, I gave her life! I, she doesn't look like me and I love that she looks like you, she's all kinds of perfect but she's parts of me too. She's kind of dorky and she loves Disney films and her favourite icecream is Strawberry and she says awesome like, a lot! I've been her mama from the minute we knew about her and... Penny, she's not me. She's not, Calliope"

As Arizona finally took a breath from her rambling, Callie frowned, "What? Arizona you need to use your words, okay? I don't understand where this is coming from? Is this why you're annoyed, have I made you feel like I doubt you're anything other than our daughter's mom?"

"Yes. No? I don't know, Callie. Penny, she said-" Arizona looked up at the brunette and swallowEd back, shaking her head slightly, "She said you two talked about Penny being Sof's mom too. About how it was okay because I wasn't even blood related so she was no more mine than she is hers and- no! No. That's not fair!"

Callie grabbed the blondes hand quickly, shaking her head, "Arizona, no! We haven't talked about that at all, I swear! I'd never do that to you. And even if I wanted to, Sofia is yours through and through. No one else is her mama." She shuffled closer to her ex and blew out a breath, "She's our baby, Arizona."

"Ours?"

"Ours."

Arizona nodded and she too shuffled closer, almost subconsciously, the need to be close to Callie always buried deep in the bottom of her soul. The surgeon let her hand ghost alone Callie's arm, her eyes shutting in regret at the small whimpers she received at an obviously painful hidden bruise. Her hand moved to cup the brunettes cheek with a tenderness she didn't even know she had.

Callie's eyes fell shut at the softness of a loving touch, "Penny is not you, Arizona. She'll never be _you."_

"Calliope." The name was a whisper in the quiet air, Callie's eyes opening to meet Arizona's again and causing her to speak aloud thoughts she wasn't supposed to think "Why do you always feel so inevitable to me?"

Arizona merely shuffled closer so no gap was between them, their faces only inches, closer than they'd been in an incredibly long time.

 **A/N Pleaaaase review! Big love. (Ps, totally stole an OITNB quote so brownie points if you spot that!)**


	5. Chapter 5

_"I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did, as long as you love me."_

Callie could hear the pounding of her heart in her ears, like everything she had ever wanted was so within reach and yet so un-catchable. Always just out of grasp. Arizona's lips were so close to her own, both sets of eyes dancing with the others, occasionally dropping to the set of lips that faced them. She wanted it. She wanted to remember what it felt like, tasted like. She wanted to feel alive. So without thinking of consequences, without thinking of pasts or futures or anything but the woman in front of her, Callie closed the remaining distance between them and let herself fall apart in the kiss.

It was desperate, needing, _wanting_. But it was much too short, over within seconds.

"Calliope, no. I- no." Arizona shook her head, jumping back from the brunette quickly. She watched as Callie's hand flew up to her mouth, tears streaming down her cheeks. The moment had changed something between them; a line had been crossed.

"I'm sorry, god, I- I shouldn't have come here. I shouldn't, I- I should go." Callie jumped up from where she sat beside her ex-wife, wiping her eyes desperately. Before she had a chance to walk away, Arizona was up too, catching the surgeon's hands in her own, tears swimming in the blue eyes.

"I want to kiss you. God, Callie I want to kiss every inch of you. I want to take you to bed, take off your clothes and just, I want to love you. To trace every part of your skin, to kiss every bruise, every pain, every place she ever hurt you. I want to take it all away, but I can't." Arizona still holds Callie's hand in her own, using the other to wipe her own tears that she could no longer keep from falling.

"And I, Calliope, I look at you and all I feel is guilt. It's like I'm drowning in it, drowning in everything I ever did wrong. Everything I didn't do, couldn't do. I look at you and you look at me with this, with pain dripping from you and, and I can't breathe. You make me stop breathing. Because this, it's all my fault and I don't know how to fix it. So, I-" The blonde's hand caresses Callie's cheek, watching as her brown eyes flutter, nuzzling her cheek into the warmth of the familiar touch.

"- I can't kiss you. Because I want to kiss you. And I don't deserve anything I want. I don't deserve to kiss you."

Arizona finally breathed out, catching her breath as she dropped Callie's hand, her arms falling by her side instead as she shrugged, her mouth opening to speak but no words coming out.

"Then don't kiss me now. I- I don't want you to be a secret, an affair. Arizona, I'm- I'm broken. But I think, maybe, if you wanted- I think you might be the only one who can fix me." Callie lets her mind wander to things Penny has said, things that haunt her, keep her awake at night. "I don't know how to break away from her and I'm, I've only felt this scared twice in my life, Arizona. Once when Sofia was fighting for her life in the NICU and once when… When you were gone. When your plane had fallen, you were lost and you were just gone. I got through both of those times because I had you and we had Sofia and we made it to the other side so maybe, if you wanted, I mean if you still, if we, me and you, If-"

"I'm here, Calliope." The smile on the blonde's face didn't quite reach her eyes but it was real and sincere.

"If that's what you're asking, I'm here. I was always here. I always will be here and we can get through this, together or not together or however you want. We- I, I will be whatever you need me to be."

A small chuckle fell from the taller woman's lips, relief, hope, something other than desperate, hopeless, pain. There was light again and it felt like coming up for air.

A few weeks later and not much had really changed for Callie. She hadn't gathered the strength to walk away from Penny, to walk tall from the ashes she had come to be. No matter how many times Arizona had pleaded her to leave, promised she'd keep her safe, keep her protected, the fear was too consuming. So she found solace in her ex-wife. Secrets away from her current 'lover'. Moments of serenity wrapped up in the blonde's arms in on-call rooms, moments that were so much more than friendship, words of love and hope and futures but not quite kisses and love making. They kept her sane. Arizona kept her sane and kept her fighting.

Callie looked up from the child's chart she was filling in as the sound of someone's laughter echoed through the halls and a small smile settled on her lips as she watched Arizona chat animatedly to a young patient, the boy's eyes lighting up in fascination at whatever her wife was saying. _Ex-wife._ She made that slip more times than she could count recently. She didn't really care.

Standing here, watching the peds surgeon in her element, Callie felt like they'd never been apart. Like everything between them had never really mattered because somehow they were always pulled back together. She didn't necessarily believe in fate or destiny but if she did, she'd know Arizona was hers.

"Arizona, are they your wheelies?!" The brunette watched in surprise as Arizona skated out of the room and over to the nurses' station, a huge, dimple filled, infectious smile across her face. Her hair in the braided pigtails that Callie had grown so fond of and her childish innocence as contagious as ever.

"Well duh! I have so aced this one legged wheelie thing, Calliope. You should see my kid's faces when I wheel past them _and_ they see my robot leg. I'm a total rock star on the peds ward. It doesn't quite have the same effect on the mums I operate on but you know, I'm working on that!" Her eyes twinkle cheekily at Callie and her heart soars when she is rewarded with a mega-watt grin.

Callie stares at her in admiration. Her one legged, pigtail wearing, double certified surgeon. A rock star, a mama, a lover, a fighter. Whatever had been thrown at the woman in front of her she'd somehow overcome it and it made the brunette marvel at the strength of the petite woman.

"You're amazing."

"I am?" The blonde grinned. In moments like this she forgot what faced them outside of their pretty pink bubble.

"Totally! And you so know it, lady."

Arizona nodded, "I am. I'm kinda awesome!"

Callie shook her head in mock annoyance, "Sometimes I feel like I have two kids. I married a five-year-old!" She grinned and then realised what she said, her head dropping slightly.

Arizona merely shrugged, "Calliope, you knew what you were getting into when you agreed to marry me. No take backs!" When Callie's eyes met hers, they both grinned, "Not anymore." The blonde whispered before suddenly she was turning around and wheeling down the hallway, leaving Callie wondering if she'd dreamt it all or if maybe, things were going to end exactly how she'd always thought they would.

 **A/N The calm before the storm? Thoughts?**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Thank you so much for the reviews, I'm not sure if people are enjoying this but I hope you are. This is probably a more M rated chapter but not incredibly detailed, so enjoy!**

 _Look into my eyes, you will see what you mean to me. Search your heart, search your soul and when you find me there, you'll search no more. Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for, you can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for. You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you._

If you heard the dark haired mum of one sigh as she collapsed onto her bed, you'd think she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. If you looked into her eyes, you'd surely know she did.

Callie groaned as she flopped on top of her covers, laying on her back and letting her eyes close, relief at the peace she was finally getting flooding over her exhausted body. She'd had the longest day at work with back to back surgeries and she hadn't even had a chance for some time with her perky blonde which she'd been craving constantly seeing as they hadn't had their regular time of secret embraces and soothing kisses in nearly two weeks. Both of the surgeons had been working around the clock with the change in weather, the ice and snow hitting Seattle hard and their schedules seemed determined to keep them apart. They'd been keeping up their almost affair for months now and the brunette was still yet to walk away from her girlfriend. She knew it was dragging Arizona down, she knew her ex-wife had bags under her eyes that weren't from staying out and drinking all night. She knew she hated letting her go home each night not sure what would return to her the next day.

She also knew that sharing her was tearing Arizona apart. They hadn't been intimate together other than a few less than chaste kisses and touches since they'd separated all that time ago but they'd shared more than their bodies. They'd shared whispered, treasured words of love and hopes and worries. They'd talked better and more openly than they ever had during their turbulent relationship and marriage and Callie knew it was eating at Arizona that they couldn't be open and together. That she couldn't have _all_ of her. She also knew that the blonde had no idea that every night, curled up in her bed, Callie wondered, feared, shed tears of desperateness at the thought that maybe, quite possibly, she wasn't enough to make her ex-wife stick around until she really could be all hers.

Tonight, Callie had been hoping to slip away from the hospital and come home for a hot soak and an insanely large glass of wine, minus her girlfriend and the dark cloud she brought with her _. No such luck._ She shuddered involuntarily at the thought of what had transpired between them earlier, her hand subconsciously ghosting the new burn on her arm. Callie let her eyes close for a minute, concentrating on the thought of seeing Arizona again, her Arizona, and letting the blonde kiss every inch of every part of her that hurt, easing it away and replacing it with herself, her deep blue, blue eyes and her seemingly endless love.

 _Hearing the door shut as she sat on a kitchen chair, sipping a large glass of red, Callie jumped up quickly and hurried to her girlfriend, a smile plastered on her face. Boy, she was getting good at faking it._

 _"Penny, Hi! I wasn't expecting you back so soon, Owen said you were going to be swamped tonight?" She smiled hopefully up at the red head, desperately hoping she would see how hard she was trying and that they could at least exist in a peaceful bubble for a night. It was rare, but sometimes she got lucky. She watched as Penny hung up her coat, nibbling on her lip, nervous in her own home._

 _"Jesus Calliope!" She didn't notice how the brunette winced at the way the name sounded so wrong falling from her lips, "I've been on my feet for 15 hours, are you really lecturing me on how I should still be at the hospital? You're home aren't you, shouldn't you still be there?"_

 _Callie swallowed back, trying to hide her disappointment at the obvious mood, "No no, I wasn't saying that, you goof! I'm glad you're home, obviously!" She gave a small laugh and the tiniest grin that wasn't even close to reaching her eyes, hoping she could ease some tension between them._

 _"Goof? How old are you, five?! Seriously, stop insulting me. I'm not in the mood for playtime. What's for dinner, anyway?"_

 _The two headed into the kitchen and Callie quickly grabbed another glass, pouring out some wine for her girlfriend, "I was thinking we could order in? What do you fancy?"_

 _"I don't want takeout; I've already eaten shitty canteen food for the last three days. Can you cook something?"_

 _Callie agreed without hesitation and she turned her focus to cooking the meal the red head had requested. Demanded? Things calmed down slightly as she worked away, preparing everything as Penny sat at the island in the kitchen, reading and drinking her second glass of red, allowing her mind to wander to happier times, happier memories, happier dreams._

 _"Have you made brown rice?"_

 _"What?" Stunned from her thoughts, Callie turned around, her eyebrows furrowing,_

 _"What do you mean, what? It's a simple question, I asked what rice you'd made?"_

 _"Oh." Callie nodded, turning back to stir the food, "Um, I made normal. I didn't realise it wasn't what you wanted, I'm sorry."_

 _She heard the chair Penny had been perching on scratching along the floor as the younger woman stood._

 _"Are you kidding me? You could have asked me. You know what, I'm not even hungry anymore. Throw it away."_

 _Callie couldn't help the frown on her face, "But it's nearly done. I can make you some brown rice quickly if you'd like, it won't take me a minute?"_

 _Penny rolled her eyes, "I said throw it away, Calliope. I don't want to eat anymore." One look into the resident's eyes told Callie exactly what she wanted and her legs almost gave way right there. She never fought it anymore, it wasn't worth it. It wasn't rape if she didn't say no, was it? If she didn't fight? Of course she knew that wasn't true but she'd do anything to hide from what she was facing daily and so she let Penny have her, barely even yelping as she burnt her arm on the stove while she was covered in kisses and words whispered into the room that didn't nothing except force her to keep her tears at bay. And she did. At least until a pager shrill sang through the room and Penny was gone._

 _She scraped the burnt food into the bin, sank down to the floor and sobbed._

* * *

The next day dragged, but Callie did what she did best, threw on her best smile and chatted to a patient's family, giving them the good news before returning to fill in some charts. Her heart sank as her pager beeped and she looked down, almost hoping for some sort of trauma that involved lots of bone crushing, bone breaking, bone fixing, anything she could release some anger into.

Instead, for the first time in two weeks, the brunette could breathe again. Doing as the page required, she headed up to the next floor of the hospital and let herself into the on-call room, clicking the door shut and locked. Staying facing the door, her hand still on the handle, she waited until she got what she needed.

"Calliope? I'm here."

And there it was. Arizona's soft voice flooded every one of her senses and Callie let her hand fall from the door, slowly turning to face the only person in the world she wanted to see right now. This had become the routine and Arizona was accustomed to her ex-wife's habits she'd only gained since Penny had come along. She'd let herself in, unable to look at her until comforting words were spoken and she was reassured she was okay. Only then would she drop her hand, turn around and face the blonde.

Callie made her way over to the single bed and let her body collapse onto it, as close to Arizona as she was able to make her body fit, moulding them together into one.

"Thank god."

"It's okay, I'm here. I'm here now. I'm so sorry we haven't made proper time to see each other but I'm here. Now, right now, I'm here and you're safe." Arizona was peppering her head with soft kisses between her words, holding the woman against her chest as they lay together, silently now, letting their bodies and souls do all the talking.

"What's happened? And don't say nothing because I know you and I know you're worse than usual so I know somethings happened. Spill."

Callie took a deep breath, shaking her head softly. She didn't want to speak, she didn't want to think, she just wanted to be. She let out the smallest mumble as her blonde pulled herself from underneath her, looking up at the blue eyes that were now towering over her. She wasn't scared, she knew she didn't have to be.

"Okay, so today you need me to play it this way, huh?" Her words weren't harsh, in fact they were softer than ever. This was something that has started early on in their newly formed relationship. Callie would struggle to form the words and so Arizona would help her in her own way. She'd undress the surgeon, her hands caressing every inch of the skin as she looked for new marks or bruises, swallowing the lump in her throat each time she found something. She knew Calliope's body inside out, she knew what was and what wasn't meant to be there.

Eventually, Arizona found what she was looking for and her eyes narrowed, finding brown ones and staring intently until she got an answer.

"She didn't mean to." Was all she got.

"She didn't mean to? Are you kidding me?" Arizona was looking at her like she was crazy. Callie did this often, defended her in some way, blamed herself with some ridiculous, twisted logic.

"No really Arizona, she didn't. I was cooking and then-"

"And then?"

Dry throat, sweaty hands. "I- we- I didn't tell her no. It's not her fault."

The bed shifted as the blonde jumped from the mattress, shaking her head with a hand to her mouth, anger oozing from her. "What happened? I need you to tell me. That's the deal, you promised you'd tell me everything she did, always. So tell me. I need to hear the words."

"We- We um-"

"Stop, stop, don't say it. Don't say it, Calliope." A quick change of mind and Arizona's eyes were pooled with tears. She knew this happened, of course she did. She knew Callie kept it from her and so she'd tried to keep it from herself. It never worked.

"You didn't have sex, Callie so don't say it. She raped you, you did not have sex, you did not-" The words stuck in her throat, "You did not make love. You were raped."

Callie was sitting up from laying on the bed now too and Arizona noticed how withdrawn she was, how utterly and completely broken she seemed, "No, Arizona! I didn't try and stop her okay? I let her."

"Calliope no! No, that just not make it okay. Nothing is okay about this at all. Nothing."

Brown eyes looked to the floor, "Don't call me that."

"What?" She couldn't remember a time she'd ever been told she wasn't allowed to call her by her full name.

"Please, Arizona. She- please, don't call me that. Just, not today."

And just like that, the anger the blonde felt was gone. It was quickly replaced with devastation, guilt, complete and utter helplessness.

"No. No, Calliope, no." Arizona was down on her knees in front of her, holding her hand in one and stroking her cheek with the other. "Look at me." She did. "You're Calliope. You're my Calliope. Do you know how right it feels to call you that? You're mine, you always have been and I have always been yours because you ruined me for anyone else. No one else could be anything compared to you. To my version of you. The happy, carefree, badass surgeon who builds bodies. You build bodies, Calliope! Do you know how awesome that is? It means you fix things. You put things back together and you're a superstar at it. So I'm going to keep calling you Calliope, today and every day and soon you're going to be that Calliope again. You're going to put yourself back together, you're going to fix yourself and you're going to walk away from her, okay? Enough is enough, now. No more. I won't stand for anymore."

Callie's eyes hadn't left the blue ones that were pouring their soul into her, that were opening everything up and showing her a world where she had been loved, where she had been happy and hopeful.

"Arizona?" The voice that spoke sounded nothing like the Callie she knew, broken, shaky, unsure.

"Yes, Calliope?"

"Please don't run."

 _Ouch._

"Please. I promised you I wouldn't run and I did. I ran from you and I am so, so sorry but please, please don't run from me, Arizona because I really can't lose you. Not _again._ Not this time."

"I am never running anywhere expect to you. I will always run to you, Callie."

"Calliope."

A tiny, triumphant smile from a terrified blonde as she pulled the love of her life back onto the bed and into her arms.

"My _Calliope_."


End file.
